March is The Month For Motivation

The simplest way to describe how I felt recently is depressed. For multiple reasons.

But, it’s March 1st and the 1st of anything always inspires me to just start over.

It’s been a great day because last night I wrote down “To-dos” during March. To keep myself busy and not have time to get depressed.

Here they are!

• Whenever I’m hungry after dinner, do a short 10 minute workout.
• Lift weights every night! 100 reps per arm.
• Try to complete 3 assignments for Health class a week.
• Record a reading video for Anthony 2-3 times a week.
• Fill out 1-2 job applications a week!
• learn 5 new spanish words a day and write them down in my iPod notes.
• Blog twice a week!
• Do atleast 30 mins of work outs a day before dinner.
• Take my biotin pills!
• Clean my room every Friday!
• Thursday nights = Movie night
• Every night write down 5 good things you liked that day. Keep all of these in the same place!
• Twice a week give myself a homemade facial!
• Once a week do a hair mask!
• Take good quality progress pics every day!
• Do 1 good drawing a week!
• Every day write a paragraph in a notebook for Anthony.

PS. Something excited is happening March 31st. 31 more days <3 So excited.

 

Well, I wonder why.

There’s the me at school that has the same interests, sense of humor, etc. that I’ve had since the 8th grade.

Then there’s the me that I don’t show to people because I already know the response.

Only you guys and my soon to be boy friend know the real me.

It’s depressing, feeling like you can’t share your new interests and your new life. Because before when you’ve mentioned it, you got the silent “Shut the fuck up” and “Cool story bro”.

Is it sad to say that I don’t feel support from the people that I’m suppose to feel it from.

My friends… where are you?

This is why I’m ready to graduate and move on. When I meet people in College they’ll only know the real me and not the one I use to be.

They’ll be forced to either love or hate who I really am. And they won’t know any different.

I’ve been in a funk lately.

Well, I wonder why.

It’s caught up to me.

I’ve Never Been So Sore.

 

Losing weight has been difficult recently. I feel like I take two steps forward and get knocked exactly two steps back. I’ve been battling the same weight for a few weeks now. No one elses fault but my own. It’s difficult, being use to binge eating when you’re upset. Even if its just one day out of the week, it’ll make you gain back the weight you just lost or stall weight loss.

On Sunday I found a few work out that absolutely kicked my ass. I’ve never been so sore.

But, I feel like that’s something that keeps me going.

If I can’t see a physical change because it’s hard to see in yourself. Then, I’d like to feel the change. Pain can be a beautiful thing.

So yeah, in that picture I don’t have much muscles now. But, I’m working on it.

I can’t wait to start lifting weights as soon as I can.

For now, using my own body weight will have to do.

Hope I actually lose a pound this week! Must resist the sad feeling binge.

Stay motivated <3

A Distorted Image

Sometimes a glance from far away you feel you look most beautiful – flawless even.

An inspection up close is when you see all those blemishes and imperfections.

From far away, you held your head high in confidence.

But, up close, your shoulders slouched and your heart sank.

You don’t look as skinny as you did from far away.

You didn’t have those 1, 2, 3, even 4 pimples from far away.

Your eye brows didn’t look like they needed to be plucked from far away.

You didn’t see those stretch marks from far away. Not even the cellulite.

Sometimes, things just look better from far away.

But, near or far, that’s the same person you’re looking at.

An image distorted by society’s eyes, and even yours.

None the less, beautiful.

Don’t Question My Intelligence

I think that there comes an age that a person achieves where you can stop questioning their intelligence and modifying the way you talk to someone.

I know that when you’re older than someone, you automatically assume you’re smarter than them and feel the need to talk down to them a bit.

Now, I can understand explaining things in dumb-downed versions to kids younger than high school level (maybe) who just haven’t been exposed to the type of vocabulary you’re using. I find this completely understandable.

But, once they hit a certain age, just assume they know what you’re trying to say. If they ask for further explanation, then explain further to them.

This would be greatly appreciated. Considering someone in my life seems to know just how to tick me off.

By questioning my intelligence, belittling me, underestimating my maturity level.

And not going to lie, I’m sure anyone who does that to someone is just trying to piss them off.

It’s literally 80% of the time. The other 20% are just oblivious to the fact that someone younger can know just as much as them.

I know we all have that person in our life that will treat us like this from when we may deserve it, up through teenage years, adulthood, and until that person passes away.

It’s not okay or funny.

Fuckin’ knock it off.

Please.

DIY Duct Tape Clutch :)

 

These are some Do it yourself Duct tape clutches.

I realized I needed a pencil pouch so I created these. Made up the pattern myself.

You need some fabric, duct tape, staples, scissors, hole punch and string.

If you like this, I’ll make a tutorial!

Just wanted to let y’all know…

 

Just wanted to let y’all know…

YOU IZ LOOKIN’ MIGHTY FINE(;

And don’t you forget that you’re beautiful <3

Sweat Pants?

Hair tie?

Chillin’ with no make up on?

That’s when you the prettiest!

I hope that you don’t take it wrong.

Naw, but just wanted to let you know…

That you lookin’ mighty fine.

People be sellin’ themselves for less than .99

You’re not on the dollar menu.

There isn’t anyone better than you.

You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful.

In any shape or form, you’re out of the norm.

You’re abnormally cute,

with everything you do.

And if you ain’t seeing it now…

I’ma have to knock you up side the head (pow)

‘Cause you’re worth it, you’re perfect.

and I love you all <3

My Fairy Tale Story

There’s a type of closeness where the distance separates you by 2000 miles, but in your heart he’s right there.

There’s a certain type of uncertainty where you’re certain about the future, but uncertain of how you’re going to get there.

That’s what it’s like, really.

They met online, they were friends, they were “brother” and “sister”, they had no intentions.

They joked around, and joked around some more.

She had a chance with him eventually, she didn’t even know she wanted it.

But, it was a personal challenge.

She Made him fall for her.

He liked her, she liked him.

Did I mention they talked everyday?

Yeah, they did.

Her mission was to make him fall in love with her and in the midst of all that…She fell in love with him.

Age difference was hard to get over.

But, like all things thus far, they got over that.

They were shy to admit they’d like to kiss one day when they meet.

They always meant to meet.

A couple failed tries at relationships.

But, yet, day by day their love grew bigger and bigger for each other.

When she wanted a serious relationship, he wasn’t fully committed.

When he wanted a serious relationship, she wasn’t fully committed.

They both tried dating other people.

Those were fails too.

They kept coming back to one another, not as a fall back or a second choice.

But, because, essentially, they were each other’s first choice.

Now, phone calls and skype calls are a regular weekly treat.

Now, they still text all the time.

Now, in 45 days, they plan to make it official.

The first step to forever.

Because, they’re both ready for it now.

They recognize the signs.

They hear fate calling.

Once it’s official they’ll work on actually getting to meet.

2000 miles can’t keep them apart forever.

They have a future together to live.

Fuck you, Distance.

This is my fairy tale story.

It’s okay if you don’t understand.

 

 

Happy V-Day To Me

Tell me how someone so far away can make you feel more special than anyone else?

I love this guy so much.

How is it even possible for his phone call to just cheer me up instantly? Even if it doesn’t show on the surface, here I am happy as ever.

Hamster died last night, today was rough. The week was rough. Especially with weight loss. Just a lot of things piled on top of one another.

And this man’s phone call made me feel so special.

Happy Valentine’s day to me!

I just hope that next year for Valentine’s Day I can say “I can’t wait to cuddle with you AGAIN.”

2000 miles seems more tangible than I ever thought.

I love you, Anthony!

So So Much <3 Can’t wait for another phone call tonight where you read your Valentine’s card.

And more phone calls and skypes this weekend. <3333

K bye.

Hope you all had a good day!

Don’t Starve Yourself

I think when you’re stressed out about losing weight, you feel like the less you eat and the more you workout, the more weight you lose.

That was my problem. Feeling like “starving” yourself is the answer. Even though you were too blind to see that. I was eating under 1000 calories a day and not losing weight. Not only that, I found out you can kill your metabolism by doing that, and then losing weight won’t happen.

Past two days I’ve been eating 1300 calories and I’m still running 30 mins 6x a week. I stepped on the scale and what do you know? I finally lost that pound that wouldn’t leave before.

That is solid proof in my cloudy mind that I need to eat more to lose this weight. And more protein! And I can enjoy food!

It’s been a luxury getting to eat more.

Never starve yourself. It makes me cry almost thinking about how I’ve been doing just that for 4 weeks and it finally caught up with me.

BUT! I’ve been building muscle with this running, regardless of my dumb choices. Hello more athletic body.